What did your best friend do that ended your friendship?
07.06.2025 21:15
Whenever we cooked it was I who ended up doing the dishes even when it was her turn. She would let the kettle and plates rot and fester in the balcony of her hostel room for a month but she would not clean it. I’d get disgusted and eventually did the washing so as to not be subjected to the sight of decaying maggi on the kettle. So much for the hygiene and bathing two times a day she took pride on.
She’d observe each of my features in minute detail and would make disparaging remarks about basic flaws of my face. She took a lot of relish in doing so. For ex she said my eyes are tiny and squinty, my forehead is small etc, my nose is blunt etc etc. And she got huge satisfaction by making such comments
She strongly felt that I was not good enough or worthy enough for any attractive or desirable man to take interest in. She often passively hinted that you’re someone whom men’d use and toss away whereas she was the kind of female men would seriously go crazy over and deeply commit to.
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She’d often say cutting and mean things and the hurt in my eyes would be visible yet she called me over-emotional, weak for that and never took accountability for wounding my feelings. The range of her emotional intelligence was that I was weak and over-sensitive and she was simply factual.
Whenever she saw me getting close to other people she always found a way of sabotaging it- directly or indirectly. I was super naive back then and she was good at petty scheming and one way or the other she’d find a way of creating a divide between me and others.
In all 6 years of our friendship I only heard a genuine heartfelt compliment about myself for a total of 5 times and that was about how good and kind I was that I put up with so much of her dysfunctional behaviour and other stuff that I did for her.
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A lot more of her weekly drama and bullshit. One day in a middle of a fight I realised I simply cannot go on with this pathetic excuse of a friendship. I felt more than done that day. The damage she inflicted on my self-esteem is something I am still recovering from and yes I lost my ability to trust in people. I’d always be at edge even when surrounded with empathetic like-minded people. I can’t describe in words how much her narcissistic behaviour damaged my self-esteem.
I have a dysfunctional relationship with my mother and my mother’s way of coping with any problem is blaming others for the same and being the eldest daughter I’ve been scapegoated since childhood. She knew all about it and one day at hostel I received a phone call from my mum wherein she was blaming me for some issue at home that occurred in my absence. I usually didn’t argue with my mum and I’d often take the undue blame but that day I snapped back at my mother and we had a huge fight. She was with me the entire time not even bothering to give me space and when I hung up she had a weird smile on her face and her next words were along the lines - “My parents may not give me expensive stuff but atleast they don’t treat me like this”. She didn’t even pretend to ask me if I was alright in that moment. Every fucking thing she made about herself.
There are a couple of other major incidents but I am skipping that for now. Will add that in another answer maybe.
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In the start of my second year I came down with a bad fever but our mid-sem exams were going on and our college was so rigid and they did not offer me the flexibility of taking the exams at a later date. Had I missed those papers I’d have held back a year. My temperature was in a range of 103.7. My father insisted I don’t miss any exams and it happened so that my fever, the time of my month and the exams all three coincided. I was staying in her room that time- it was her idea that we stay together and I moved in with her weeks before I had fallen sick. When I fell ill I lost my appetite, was feverish and really unwell her and her behaviour turned cold towards me. She started treating me like some kinda burden on her and insisted that I forget the exams and leave for home. I went home for two days and when I came back (still high from fever) I saw shoe footprints on my mattress on the place where I’d put my head to sleep. I was sharing room with her but there was only 1 bed and she would sleep on the bed and I’d sleep on the floor on the mattress. It shocked me. When I tried to point that out she said it happened by mistake. Her carelessness really took me aback. It took me more than a week to recover and I only felt better after the exams were over. Immediately after the exams she stomped again on my mattress with her shoes exactly on the spot where I’d put my head and I finally took the cue to leave her room. She could have asked me to leave and I’d have done that without any drama and she knew it very well yet the way she executed this episode is something that I’d not forget and I blame myself for having such poor boundaries. Afterwards not even a peep of apology came from her until in our fourth year when she was drunk and only said that- “I cried when I saw you that ill”.
She compared every facial features of mine with hers and would self declare herself to be most pretty, hot, attractive and lovely.
She micro-judged people. Super super judgy- always judging people sometimes even for simplest of things. She had a backup friend to whom she would bitch about my innocent mistakes. I realised it much later.
She was a jealous friend- a competitor hidden in disguise of a friend. We had opened upto each other, shared our vulnerabilities and I was always mindful of not touching her core wounds but she loved to pinch my raw nerve.
By the mid of second year I had a simple realisation that I cannot rely on her for anything big or small. Whatever help I needed I had to manage on my own or with the help of other friends and they did deliver (they weren’t even that close to me). I didn’t ask for any big help yet she’d always decline any request that did not have her own vested interest or that required her to move her ass for two paces. She rarely ever came through for me and she didn’t want to put any serious efforts into the friendship yet expected back the world from me in terms of efforts, loyalty, nurturing vibes and everything.
We’d sometimes smoke during exams to beat the stress and it was a shared activity. We were smoking in her balcony but were intruded by one of her classmate (we were in different branches). She completely panicked and shouted on her classmate asking her to leave. Her classmate was being pesky and nosy and she persisted for a while before leaving. This woman put out her cigarette, pushed me so hard out of the way- bumping my elbow to the concrete wall in the process and started projecting her panic and anger on me acting as if I deliberately made her smoke in her balcony and I was responsible for this hiccup. She immediately dashed herself with deodorant and went after her classmate- people pleasing her and made god knows what excuses. Ironically it was her idea that we smoke in her balcony I personally always preferred the terrace. When she came back she didn’t ask me about my elbow or how I felt after facing her pathetic projection but went straight to her books.
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I had struggled with weight issues for some years but in my 4th year I shed a lot of extra weight and dropped down few sizes. Praise came from a lot of people but whenever she’d be present she’d twist her mouth in a weird way and give lukewarm reactions. I was struggling mentally that time as an undeserving boy had played with my emotions and I was nursing my broken heart with physical exercises. I’d often talk about my workouts as they kept me sane and one day in a middle of a conversation she made a comment— “You are still fat, you may have lost some weight but you are still fat. I pointed out that I am a medium size (which was true) and that isn’t exactly fat to which she said no you are fat, no one would consider you slim or even medium at this stage. You have a lot more kgs to loose to be even considered a size medium and you are still fat”. It wasn’t something blithe but it was deliberate viciousness, attempting to hurt and attack my self-esteem. She was triggered seeing me put dedication in my workouts.
Major Incidents:
The petty and annoying Bullshit that I had to deal with on a weekly basis:-
She was a perfect example of a rat on a ship. She preached incessantly about friendship, how friends must be supportive and without loyalty friendship means nothing blah and blah. So in my final year I got into some trouble- the only time I had got into trouble in which she had some involvement. I requested her to stand with me while I was facing the authorities. She conveniently refused by saying that she can’t take such a risk of sharing the blame with me. I told her that I’d not let the blame come to her- she only has to stand by me as I need her for moral support but she flatly declined and left me alone in that moment when I really needed her.
Lazy, lethargic, useless, hopeless, lacking ambition she never wanted to put effort in anything and got so riled up seeing me put efforts into something. She would mock me, discourage me and at times that’d not work so she acted cold and callous. She literally broke my already punctured self-esteem.
I often felt drained with her. She didn’t have nurturing energies and in terms of energy she took more from me than she could pour back in.
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She never apologised voluntarily after hurting my sentiments. Never! She’d simply pretend nothing has happened and never of her own came for reconciliation after our major fights. She’d say sorry only after I made the first move or when her ego felt stroked enough by me.
She took delight in commenting about me behind my back and had a lot of tactics to make me look bad or put me down in front of other people. Whatever tiny mistake I made she glorified it to slight me and she did it time and again.